Its hard to imagine that 7 years ago today, I began my relationship with Ed. 7. Sixteen years old. It just doesn't seem so long ago, that a girl, desperate to not put on any more weight decided to take measures into her own hands. A girl, so tired of feeling ugly, and unworthy, and fat, decided the only way would be to start an addictive behavior that would shape the rest of her life. An addictive behavior that would shape how she saw herself, her mood, and her accomplishments, based on numbers, and jean sizes.
It's scary that I have done so many great things with my life and they all seemed insignificant when I would admit to myself I was still under the control of an Eating Disorder. I graduated college, I earned a masters degree, I became a great teacher, I found a husband, all while telling myself I needed to lose more weight and that's when I would finally be happy. It was finally when I put my eating disorder in check (on my terms, and when I was ready to kick Ed to the curb) that I realized how easier life was without it.
This blog has me slightly more emotional than I expected. For that reason I'm going to break the story of the development of Ed into several parts. Something I held on to so tightly, and for so long, just doesn't seem right to throw it together in one blog. Like it or not this has been a dominating factor in my life, and I intend to do it justice.
For the first time in 7 years I haven't looked at today as a failure, as another year under the control of an eating disorder. Today is a celebration. It's the first year in 7 that I haven't been a slave to my finger, but rather in control of my life and my eating habits.
No comments:
Post a Comment