Pushing Past the Guilt

It was a common tale when Ed and I were at our strongest.  I would try really really hard to be healthy, make right decisions, and eat properly.  The problem was, the second I reached for a cookie (an average of about130 calories), or something cheesy, or even deep-fried, it was all downhill from there.  I guilted myself and told myself eating it was a bad choice, and therefore it had to come up.  

Although not quite on the same plane anymore (after nearly two months sober), these feelings of guilt are coming back.  What I'm struggling with now is how the weight watchers system takes into account exercise points.  Essentially what it comes down to is based on your weight and how intense your workout is, you gain points back depending on how long you conducted the activity.  For example, something low, like mowing the lawn for 45 minutes, earns me 1 point back.  But something more strenuous, like my 5 mile run on Monday for 47 minutes, earned me 6 points back.  Where the guilt comes in is when I "cash" these points.  According to weight watchers I'm only suppose to have between 22-24 points a day.  On days where I do my 5 mile run though, I'm allowed to have up to 30 points a day.  By eating 30 points, though, my mind is telling me something is wrong and I did something bad, hence the guilt begins to pile on.  When I topped my daily allotted points last night after dinner I still had a late night snack that wasn't in any way shape or form healthy.  I immediately regretted it, and made all these promises to myself how I would fix it the next day.   But realistically, if I'm in my weekly allotted points, what am I doing wrong and why do I need to fix it?

 In conclusion, I earned these points, but food for thought do I have to cash them in?  Maybe its better for my weight loss plan if I didn't?  Maybe I should just focus on the food points and the exercise points are just an extra push into my wedding dress.  The only thing I know for sure is I want the guilt after a chocolate chip cookie to go away.  I want to be happy with my decisions, not dwell on them.